S1 EP1 – Elevate your life: The Self-Respect Revolution Begins

[00:00:00] It was like the smell of B. O. with bleach, disinfectant, and mold all wrapped up together in one. So I’m like…

[00:00:13] ah, god damn.

[00:00:23] Welcome and bienvenue to this new podcast series called the Self Respect Revolution Podcast. And in this series, we look at how self-respect influences the decisions that we make in the lives that we live, regardless of who we are, whether we’re an entrepreneur, whether we’re a business owner, parent. Dog parent, sister, brother, best friend, regardless of who you are, self-respect, I believe, is the most critical component of how we live, love, and lead. So I’m so happy that you are here.

[00:01:00] My name is Dr. Katherine Iscoe and I am your absolutely, mootly proud host of this new podcast series. And I really want to just dive right in and I hope that’s okay with you. I need to tell you this story. So my girlfriend Nadine, my best friend Nadine, went on a holiday to Bali.

[00:01:18] Got up early, the flight was delayed, the plane was delayed, she went through traffic, finally got to her hotel and she called me and I was so excited to talk to her, obviously. So I’m like, yo, how is it? Like, how are you feeling? How’s the hotel? How’s the weather? Yada, yada. And I love my girlfriend, Nadine, but she’s got no game whatsoever.

[00:01:39] She would be the worst poker player in the world because I knew exactly, I saw her face. Something was wrong. So I said, okay, what’s wrong? She’s like, my room stinks and my window, my balcony door opens up to a concrete wall. a concrete wall and I kid you not. So I’m like,

[00:02:00] the first thing I said obviously was, well, just ask for another room.

[00:02:03] You’re there for like six days, ba da boom, go, right? And I’m going to get back to the end of the story in a second because the premise is, it’s very easy to give advice from the outside in. Not so much to take your advice from the inside out. Here’s why. About a month prior to this, I had the exact same situation.

[00:02:24] Not in Bali, it was in Melbourne. I had travelled, meetings, yadda yadda. Finally got to my hotel, it was like 7. 30 at night, which is late for me because I go to bed at like 9. 30. So I was desperate to go to sleep. Went up to my room, Boom, as soon as I opened the door, I was like, Mamma Mia, Papa Pia, this is not going to be a kosher stay.

[00:02:49] It was like the smell of B. O. with bleach, disinfectant, and mold all wrapped up together in one. So I’m like, you know, when you’re just debating, do you go to bed and just suck it up? Or do you go, you know, down and have that uncomfortable? conversation with the reception staff and you know, well actually you don’t know, but you think they’re thinking, Oh God, here we go.

[00:03:18] Another one of quote unquote, those guests. And I’m always scared that they’re going to hate me and spit in my food. So I was like debating what should I do? I’m like 20 seconds. I could not stand it any longer. So I go down to the reception. Had to do it. I’m like, I’m so sorry to bother you, but room, I explained it.

[00:03:37] I said, do you have another room by chance? And you know, it’s kind of like that Seinfeld where they’re tapping in their computer. I’m sorry, we lost your reservation. Found another room. It was on the floor right above. Fantastic. Ba da bing, ba da boom. I go upstairs. I’m like so desperate to go to bed. Open the door.

[00:03:58] It was like right in your face. I was like, dear God, no, here we go. Tried to stay in that room. Couldn’t. The cycle repeated itself five times. Five times, my friends. And here’s the premise. My mindset was this. I need to ensure that other people are comfortable rather than prioritize my comfort. Meaning I need to respect others more than I respect myself.

[00:04:26] And this is kind of like a condition of being Canadian because I don’t know if this is actually fact, but I think it’s like a conspiracy. As part of your Canadian citizenship, you have a gene that’s implanted in you that makes you need to respect other people more than you respect yourself. Here is proof of this.

[00:04:49] I once, once apologized to a door, a door. Yes, you heard that right. You can rewind it if you want, but yes, it is a door. I ran into a door and I apologized. to a door. So let me tell you, when I’m saying that I care more about other people and clearly also movable objects, more than myself, like, you gotta understand, I really mean it.

[00:05:16] So what happened was. I was like, no, I, I had had this conversation before inside my head, probably talking out loud as well. That’s not the point though. The point being is that I had been here before and I was like, I cannot do this again because what’s gonna happen is I’m gonna wake up in the 1 a. m. in the morning and I’m gonna be so uncomfortable and I’m gonna ask myself, why did I not go down and just say, sorry, I can’t stay here.

[00:05:40] So I’m like, no, lying in the sand, went back downstairs and I said, I’m so grateful for everything that you’ve done. Unfortunately, I’m not going to be able to stay here. I did it. They refunded my money money. I found here’s the silver lining. I found this amazing new boutique hotel in Melbourne that had just opened they

[00:06:01] had heard of like the whole kerfuffle and they actually upgraded me to a suite and they were actually quote unquote very sweet as well. So, great experience. So, when Nadine was telling me everything that she had gone through, Totes McGoats, I got it. I totally got it. So, the, I said to her like, you got to do it.

[00:06:22] You got to stand up for yourself. Go for it. So she calls me back. She’s like, I did it. I went down to the reception. I explained the situation and lo and behold, they were mortified because, you know, the Balinese are the most beautiful human beings on earth. They’re just so gracious and so loving and so kind.

[00:06:40] They upgraded her to a suite that also had a view of The ocean. So what is the point of this story? The point is Self-respect is so incredibly important for how we live our lives and how we treat ourselves Yet, I believe it’s such a neglected concept because we focus so much on self esteem, confidence, and self worth super important Characteristics of how we live, how we self actualize.

[00:07:11] But what about self-respect? It’s such a neglected concept But what is it? You know, if I were to ask you, finish the sentence, self-respect means to me, what would you say? And I’ve asked this to a lot of people and it’s like that crickets, you know, no one knows how to respond. The thing is if we can’t define it or we can’t clearly articulate it, Then how do we build it and how do we benefit from it?

[00:07:44] We can’t and I think this is a massive problem, right? And I believe the world now more than ever needs to learn how to build self-respect. In fact, a recent survey of over 22, 000 people across 21 different countries found that 60% of the respondents wished they had more respect for themselves. So this is like, Bold, underline, underscore, highlight tastic.

[00:08:12] The need of really focusing on what does self-respect mean, and how, not only can we build it, but how can we help the next generation build it as well. And that is what the Self Respect Revolution podcast is all about. Now before we dive in, I hope you don’t mind, I’m just gonna take a few moments to introduce myself, because maybe this is the first time that we meet, so hello.

[00:08:37] So glad you’re here. My name is Catherine Elizabeth Isko, and that is with an S, not a Z. Totally not important, but just in case you want to send me a Christmas card, or shoes. Shoes are fine, but, uh. I am Canadian, originally. I live in Perth, Australia. I’m totally obsessed with… Anything to do with dogs. [00:09:00] My two dogs, Eddie and Ezzie, are sleeping right now, and I hope they remain that way.

[00:09:05] They have this tendency of wanting to be front and center of everything I do, yet they still ask to be paid, which is weird. Anyways, moving on. What else do I like? I love sewing. I love trying to sew. I love cooking. Uh, most of my friends enjoy eating, so that’s a very good symbi symbiotic relationship.

[00:09:23] That’s always a very hard word to say. Uh, professionally, for the past many, many years, my background was really focused on physiology, so understanding how the human body works. And this is, from my point of view, a quote unquote easier thing to research because it’s objective. You know, when I was working with patients with type 1 diabetes, you know, you would Take their blood, measure their glucose before exercise and after, and you would compare the two.

[00:09:49] It was, yes, no, bada bing, bada boom. But I later got really interested in the human mind, and I think this is so much more complicated and so much more difficult to understand and thus research. My main interest is really the contradictions of the mind. The paradoxes of the mind. Like, why is it that we think a certain way?

[00:10:11] Yet, the evidence shows otherwise, I’ll give you an example. So what I find is people that are really good at taking care of other people, rarely take care of themselves. Why is it that people think that they need to change who they are to actually like who they are? And why is it that people that are very successful on paper think they are anything but?

[00:10:38] You know, it’s really interesting because I can relate to all of these examples and maybe you can too. I mean my background is graduated summa cum laude, scholarships, academic publications, yet, you know, the list is endless, on paper, yet in my mind for so many years I just thought clearly that was just lucky.

[00:10:58] And eventually my luck is going to run. And I always thought that caring was, you know, treating myself with disrespect, over exercising, under eating, you know, being militant, looking at myself and looking at all the bad things rather than the good things. I thought that’s was how, how you cared for yourself.

[00:11:18] And I did this because I thought, When I change who I am then I’m going to like who I am and when I, when I like finally quote unquote like who I am then eventually someone else is going to like me. So I always thought that okay I’m going to change the way I look on the outside because then people are going to fall in love or, well not people, one relationship is fine, you know.

[00:11:39] Teach your own, you do what, whatever you want, but someone is going to fall in love with me. And then when they fall in love with my outside, eventually they’re going to love my inside. That’s how I thought loved works. And I can give you countless examples from the past of all the times I’ve disrespected myself.

[00:11:59] And that’s why I believe I’m the best person to host this podcast and dive into the complexities of self-respect because I know exactly what it feels like to live a life without it. So today and for the first few episodes of this podcast, it’s really going to be a self-respect one on one based on my recent research.

[00:12:20] And I promise you, I know whenever you hear, when people hear the word research, they’re like looking for the closest exits. I promise you it’s going to be interesting. I promise, promise, promise. So we’re going to be looking at what self-respect actually is. in today’s time. You know, what does it feel like when you have it?

[00:12:40] What does your like, look like, look like, you know, how does it benefit you? But also little red flags, what to look out for when you have low levels of self-respect, but no matter where you are in your journey, I encourage you to keep on at least for the first few episodes of this podcast to listen in because I truly believe, you know, I’m 45 years old.

[00:13:07] I know super young, but I have never felt so strongly. about what I’ve found and the benefits that self-respect can unlock. So I’m so glad you’re here. Let’s get started. So firstly, what made me start this research? I think it’s important for you to get just a little bit of a background. For the past eight years, I’ve really looked at confidence, what it is, what does it feel like when you have it?

[00:13:35] Um, how can you build it? How can you lose it? And confidence is essentially the ability to trust oneself to give something a try or the Australians say it most perfectly, which is to simply give something a go. So what made me start this research? I think it’s important for you to just get a tiny bit of a background here.

[00:13:54] So for the past eight years, I’ve been really focused on confidence. You know what it is. What does it feel like when you have it? What does it feel like when you have too much of it? What does it feel like when you lose it? You know, what does that look like? What does it feel like? What does it sound like?

[00:14:11] And confidence is essentially, Australians say it best, the ability to give something a go. Or the willingness to try. Now, after having hundreds and hundreds of conversations with workshop participants, you know, audience members, people online, I found something really interesting because I truly, I still believe wholeheartedly in developing one’s confidence, but what I found was that.

[00:14:38] If you want a picture of rubber band, when you pull, you, when you pull the rubber band with one hand over to one side, right? It starts to become tense. That’s what confidence does. It gives you that ability to stretch yourself. But then what happened was, and based on these stories, that something happened when it got too tight and people were like, I’m going to go back to being less tense, you know, the quote unquote, the comfort zone.

[00:15:03] Right. And this was really interesting because It was like this elusive concept. I’m like, what is it that happens there that we can. Get that rubber band to stretch more and to get used to that new level of tension and for the past While you know my dad and I very very close and we often spoke about self-respect, but it was such a like a, a throwaway kind of concept and it was like a neglected concept, but there was something nagging at me to sort of look into it further.

[00:15:38] So I started diving in online, looking at research, looking at studies, yada, yada. And I just, it wasn’t answering my question. So I thought I’m a researcher, let’s do a research study. So I asked entrepreneurs, business owners, CEOs, executives, you know, what, What does self-respect mean to you? What does it feel like when you have it?

[00:16:00] You know, how does your life change when you don’t have it? And I was like, okay, what are the little quotes that were meaningful? So I started extracting quotes, 783 quotes that I got. And I was like, okay, what are the themes? What are the common themes that you know, I can really see in the data. I found that this data lives in three different buckets.

[00:16:24] And what I found was that self-respect is not really about morals or ethics, but rather self-respect is a practice. You know, it’s about walking the walk and talking the talk. It’s about doing and the three actions are this. Number one, it’s about standing up for yourself, but specifically standing up and protecting.

[00:16:45] Your mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing. So this is about boundaries, not barriers, boundaries and self care. Number two, it’s about staying true to who you are, not. pretending or acting based on what you think other people want you to be. So this is about taking responsibility and your decisions, being accountable for where those decisions get you.

[00:17:11] But it’s really about self honor. It’s saying, this is who I am. And I’m everything that I do, everything that I put out into the world is going to reflect this. And number three, it’s about self-acceptance, but to do so. We need to be receptive to all the uncomfortable information that tells us who we are.

[00:17:32] Now, this is very challenging, especially when our egos have protected us from judgment, from criticism for so long. But we need to become a bit more porous to this information because this information Whether it’s from the past, which is about self reflection, or in the present, which is all about self-awareness, and, you know, accepting this information.

[00:17:57] It’s getting this information and saying, I wonder who I am. Because when you find out who you are, you can finally accept who you are. So based on these three buckets, if you take a step back and look, it’s really about doing it’s practices. But if you were to lump them all together and really ask me, what is the definition, like the clear definition of self-respect?

[00:18:23] It’s simply knowing that you’re important. It’s simply knowing that you are important. And this is such, I think, an interesting thing because when I reflect over all the past conversations and when I’ve said a version of this to people like, you know, you matter, you’re significant, you’re important. The effects of these words are really transformative.

[00:18:45] But I think the beauty of self-respect is that you don’t need to ever have someone say that to you. Self-respect is knowing that you’re important. It’s the ability to say no matter what happened to me, Or what might happen to me. I know I am important. And when you know you’re important, your actions reflect this.

[00:19:10] And what I’d like you to picture is, you know, based on this concept of self-respect is you’re important, etc. I want you to picture a foundation of a house. Self-respect is that foundation. Self-respect is all the practices you’re like putting in and it forms that beautiful, well I guess a concrete slab.

[00:19:28] It’s not, well maybe it’s beautiful to some people. Let’s go with it. A beautiful concrete slab. And when you have that self-respect, that great foundation, you’re then able to build your house. So you’re able to feel like you’re of more value. And that’s really self-worth. Then you’re able to like yourself more, which is self-esteem.

[00:19:50] And then you’re able to grow your confidence, which is the ability to take action or the willingness to give it a go. So self-respect is that, sort of, [00:20:00] that first step to build all those other characteristics. But what the data also showed was that even if, you know, things aren’t going great in your life, that, you know, confidence is low, self-esteem is low, whatever, that self-respect always has your back.

[00:20:17] It’s kind of like, even if there’s like a hurricane and there’s a storm, thunderstorm, and it’s cracking and it’s batting at your house and you know, your shutters are flapping and like things are being torn off like the wizard of Oz. No matter what happens to your house, your foundation is always there, and that’s really the critical importance of self-respect.

[00:20:39] But self-respect is so important that when you don’t have it, your foundation cracks. And what happens to your house when your foundation cracks? Everything sort of caves in. And this is really what low self-respect looks like. It’s kind of like having a leaky foundation. You can’t depend on yourself as a fallback position.

[00:21:02] You don’t feel like you’re as important and this could show up for you in a few different ways. You could be, depending on external validation, you could be letting people get away with things that you know aren’t good for you. People pleasing, uh, you know, saying to people, you know, your opinion is much more important than mine.

[00:21:22] Uh, you might deprioritize self-care because your mind might say, well, You know, I’m not really important enough to take the time to actually care for myself, and self-care is really a luxury, not a priority. So, self-respect, extremely, extremely important. So where can we look for areas of our life where we know we might need just a little sprinkling of self-respect to really unlock higher levels of being and doing?

[00:21:54] Well, until my next podcast, episode two, I’m going to give you a little challenge if you’re up for it. And here it is. What I would like you to do is think about a conversation. That you’re delaying having because you are just waiting for the perfect time because the other person is stressed or they’re overwhelmed or they’re constantly telling you I’ve too much on my plate or something like that or maybe they’re not Maybe they’re not saying any of those things and you’re just delaying the conversation.

[00:22:27] I want you that?

[00:22:30] And don’t just, not a, not a flippant, flippant why is that, like, why is that? Why are you delaying that conversation? Think about what are the conversational patterns, that silent conversation that you’re having in your head over and over again. What is that feeling? If you could name that feeling, you know, is it a frustration?

[00:22:51] Is it fear? Is it, uh, annoyance? Try to really think about what that emotion is. Because on the next episode, I’m going to share a little tweak to how we think that will help us stand up for ourselves no matter how uncomfortable or important or critical the situation is. And this little change in perspective has completely changed my view of how to stand up for myself, which again, is so difficult for me, not only because I’m Canadian, but just because for 45 years of my life, This is how I was and this little change in perspective has, my god, it has absolutely Change the way I look at standing up for myself.

[00:23:38] So I’m so excited to share that with you. I hope you’ve enjoyed this first episode. I know I’m leaving you on a tiny bit of a cliffhanger, but that is on purpose. So you will share this podcast and. Like this podcast and send it out to the universe to all the amazing people that you love and care for all those Curious minds that you think would benefit from listening to this podcast and so for the second episode you can all listen to it together and discuss it and we can discuss it online and By the way, if you have questions for me, mama mia, do I love questions.

[00:24:12] I’d love for you to send DM, comment, whatever you need to do, and I’ll answer them in my next podcast. But until next time, if you like share and subscribe, that would mean the world to me because not only does it, you know, well, let’s just be honest, like give me a little ego boost, but it also boosts this podcast.

[00:24:31] So we can. Build this together as a team. So thank you so much for listening. I’m Dr. Katherine Iscoe. And until next time, stay fabulous.