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What happens when you say “yes” to someone — but deep down, your body is screaming “hell no”?
It’s like handing your bank card to someone else and saying, “Go ahead, take what you want.”
Except they’re not just spending your money — they’re spending your time.
And here’s the kicker: every time you do it, say yes and give that bank card over, your balance gets lower.
And unlike a real bank account—no one’s transferring anything back in.
That’s the real cost of people-pleasing.
It’s not just being nice.
It’s overdrafting on yourself to make someone else feel comfortable.
But each small instance seems harmless, doesn’t it?
- Agreeing to plans when you’d rather be in bed.
- Taking on extra work when you can barely handle your current load.
- Saying “yes” to someone who’s going through a rough time even though you are too?
But what’s really happening here is that by putting those people first, you are unconsciously telling yourself “I only deserve to put myself last.”
And that may seem noble in the moment—but every time you sacrifice your time to make someone’s life more peaceful, you’re only creating more inner conflict for yourself.
Saying “yes” when you mean “no” might feel good for a second, but the cost? Over time it can lead to exhaustion and ultimately, resentment.
Let me give you an example.
You’ve just finished a brutal meeting or had the worst day ever. You are caputsky, drained, and all you want is 5 minutes of complete silence to breathe so you don’t blow a gasket.
But someone ‘pops in’: “Do you have a minute? I don’t need advice or anything I just need to vent”
You know you don’t have capacity.
But what do you say?
“Of course, what’s going on?”
1 hour later, you have not only absorbed their stress, missed your lunch, but you’re now behind on your work.
Here’s what happened—you passed them over your bank card when you were already in overdraft.
And the worst part?
They left feeling better.
You left feeling worse.
In that moment, you were their emotional ATM, and you didn’t even charge interest.
Here’s the inherent narrative here:
You believe that your needs are nowhere as important as everyone else’s.
And that’s a dangerous road.
Let’s sit with this for a moment and take some time to self-reflect.
- What “yeses” have you agreed to when you’re already in emotional overdraft?
- Who were those yeses to? Is it to one person in particular? Or a type of person?
Today, I invite you to turn up a smiggen of sass and let out one intentional “no.”
This no doesn’t have to be dramatic with a hair flick and a snap. It just needs to be authentic.
- Maybe it’s saying no to an invitation you don’t want to accept.
- Maybe it’s saying no to a request at work that doesn’t align with your priorities.
- Maybe it’s just not answering the phone when ‘that person’ calls.
Or maybe it’s allowing yourself to use a white lie “I’m just about to jump on a call” when that “I need to vent” person knocks on your door.
Regardless of how you choose to say no, here’s something to remember:
Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person.
It doesn’t make you selfish.
And it certainly doesn’t make you an arrogant, entitled narcissist.
It simply makes you someone who recognizes that no doesn’t mean “I don’t care” — but rather, it means “I care about me too.”
Until next time,
Be bold,
be brave and always,
stay fabulous.
DrK xoxo
How healthy is your self-respect?
😳 Do you often replay conversations in your mind, worrying about what you’ve said?
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