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You’ve probably been told a gazillion times to love yourself.
And yep indeedy — self-love is mucho importante.
It builds confidence, self-esteem, and helps you not crumble like a day old muffin at the first sign of rejection.
But what if all those things are missing one crucial piece?
Because it’s not just about how much you like yourself.
And it’s not only about how confident you feel.
There’s something deeper. Something more sacred.
Before we dive into the missing piece (oooh, the suspense), let’s break down self-esteem and confidence, and why they sometimes still leave you feeling... a bit unsteady.
Self-esteem is: “Do I like myself?”
It’s the most emotional of the three.
It can swing up or down depending on how you look, that compliment you got (or didn’t), the way someone looked at you... or didn’t. Or who didn’t text back (those 3 damn dots that suddenly disappear).
Confidence is: “Do I trust myself to give something a go, even when I’m not 100% ready?”
Confidence isn’t always about skill — nor is it always logical.
Because you might feel totes magotes fine giving a presentation to thousands, but freeze when you try to answer the question: “So, what do you do?”
Confidence, in that sense, is like a battery that drains or charges depending on the context — unless it's anchored in something deeper (more on that shortly, keeping that suspense going eh?).
But Self-Respect? That’s Different.
Here’s what I found in my research:
Self-respect is not about your emotions.
It’s not about your capabilities.
It’s knowing — deep down — that there’s something special about you.
And no matter how small or minor it is, it’s worth protecting.
It’s not a mood — it’s a decision.
It’s a contract you make with yourself - you sign it, and you stand by it.
And in that sense, it’s binary. A yes-or-no kind of deal.
Because once you can identify even the tiniest part of you — the part where you can say, hand on heart:
“I may not like myself today. I may not feel brave right now. But I will not give up on myself.”
Then no person, no situation, no failure can take that away from you.
But, Houston, we have a problem...
Most of us were never taught how to write that kind of contract.
Heck, we didn’t even know we could.
We were taught to only feel special when someone else tells us we are.
We were taught to wait for permission.
For praise.
For validation.
Because anything else would mean that we’re self-centered, full of ourselves, arrogant.
Let me give you an example:
Imagine you’re a car — but not just any car.
You’re a one-of-a-kind, custom-built, one-in-the-world kind of vehicle.
Then someone walks up and says, “WOW! You’re the most amazing car I’ve ever seen!”
Only then do you start to feel special.
Because they said it.
But what happens when no one says it?
When they swipe past you and only like the new, flashier and filtered models?
You start thinking: Maybe I’m not that special after all.
You start treating the car like it’s just average.
You let people scratch it. You stop cleaning it.
You leave junk in it.
You stop fixing it.
You stop protecting it.
You forget: Your car was special before anyone ever said so.
And the same goes for you.
But would you ever actually treat a one-of-a-kind car like junk? Of course not.
Yet we do it to ourselves. Every. Damn. Day.
This is Where It Shifts
Until you treat yourself like someone worth protecting, no amount of self-love will stick.
Because love without respect?
That’s just an empty performance.
Let’s chew on that for a sec.
- Do you see yourself as rare?
- Do you act like you’re someone worth protecting?
If the answer is “not really” or “kinda, sorta it depends” — here’s something oh-so critical to understand: that is NOT a flaw.
That’s a signal.
A signal that your self-respect muscle is ready to grow.
Your Act of Respect
I’m going to throw out a challenge to you, and I’d love for you to finish this sentence out loud, (unless you’re in public. I mean, you do you, but…)
“Because I respect myself, I…”
Here are a few examples:
- “Because I respect myself, I will have the conversation I’ve been avoiding — even though I don’t have the perfect words”
- “Because I respect myself, I will stop over-explaining choices that don’t need justification.”
- “Because I respect myself, I will take 15 minutes today just for me — without making an excuse for why I need those 15 minutes.”
And maybe let this sentence guide one small action today.
Or let it interrupt an old habit.
Or, let it become your new standard.
Whatevs.
But if you're not up for it, no problemo, here's something to consider:
You don’t have to always feel good about yourself.
You don’t have to prove your worth to protect it.
Because self-respect isn’t something you earn.
It’s something you already own.
Until next time,
Be bold,
be brave and always,
stay fabulous.
DrK xoxo
How healthy is your self-respect?
😳 Do you often replay conversations in your mind, worrying about what you’ve said?
You are certainly not alone. 100% of respondents who took the Unstoppable Achiever Scorecard admit to the same.
➡️ If you want to see if you're part of the club (or just need an excuse to procrastinate), take a spin on The Unstoppable You Scorecard.
