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Ever feel like your life’s on pause, and Netflix is suddenly your biggest accomplishment? Yeah, me too. (Don’t judge my ‘Apple Cider Vinegar’ obsession.) Read on, my friend.
3 reasons to read this article
- Find out why you’re stuck and how to stop pretending your favorite show is more important than your life goals.
- Learn how to stop letting fear be your co-pilot, and start driving your own success (without the existential crisis).
- Unlock the secret mindset shifts that’ll help you take action—no more scrolling for hours wondering where your life went.
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Self-Sabotage: The Hidden Roadblock to Achieving Your Dreams
You’re a high-achieving, career-focused woman who has it all together—on the outside.
But inside? Your inner people-pleaser keeps you stuck, torn between the success you crave and the fear of coming across as arrogant.
While the number of ambitious women are rising, many still face internal roadblocks.
This means the divide will grow between two types of ambitious women:
- Those who know their worth and take action and
- Those who remain silent in self-doubt and hesitate.
The question is, which one will you be?
Because here’s the risk: if you don’t claim your spot, someone else will. Staying silent and doubting your worth only leads to frustration, missed opportunities, and watching less-qualified people rise above you.
So let’s fix that shall we by tackling the people-pleasing mindset that’s keeping you stuck, while nipping the perfectionist high-achiever in you too.
The Detrimental Coping Mechanisms of People-Pleasers
A fascinating study indicated women are more likely than men to identify as people-pleasers with 54.4% of women describing themselves as people-pleasers, compared to 40.3% of men.
This isn’t surprising. From a young age, girls are often encouraged to be accommodating and prioritise others' needs, therefore conditioned to play small and seek approval.
Many of the self-identified people-pleasers within this study report that their tendency to please others has made their lives harder. For example, the people-pleasers were 3x more common among individuals with a BMI of 40+ compared to those in the healthy weight range. They were also more likely to engage in emotional eating—a behavior where food is used to manage stress or emotions rather than hunger. (As a person who spent almost 20 years comforting myself with food as a binge-eater, I relate to this deeply.)
People-pleasers are also
- More likely to self-scrutinise (speak badly about themselves)
- Procrastinate (The to-do list continues to pile up, making you feel even more like a failure)
- Delay improving their health (which often leads to weight gain)
So as the high-achiever inside of you wants to get ahead (but always feels like a failure) the people-pleaser reinforces your negative beliefs and keeps you living in fear.
So, what can we do about it? Let’s now tackle:
- The 3 mistakes we make
- A strategic mindset to see things differently
- A single action for you to implement right away
The 3 mistakes that keep you stuck
#1 The first mistake many ambitious women make is believing that confidence equals arrogance. You’ve been taught to downplay your achievements and to seek approval, so when it comes time to own your worth, you might fear being perceived as too bold or self-important. But the truth is, confidence grounded in self-respect is not only powerful—it’s essential. It’s about knowing your value without needing validation from others.
#2 The second mistake is waiting for permission to step up. This manifests as hesitation or thinking someone else needs to give you the green light before you can take action. But the reality is, permission is a myth. The only person who needs to approve your next step is you. The longer you wait, the more opportunities you miss.
#3 And the third mistake is thinking you need to know everything to make the first move - which we’ll dive into now (because this is a biggie).
A strategic mindset to see things differently
I recently conducted a survey on LinkedIn, asking a simple question: What do you think is the most important trait for taking risks?
(In this context, "risk" means stepping outside your comfort zone—taking action despite uncertainty, failure, or judgment—to grow personally or professionally in a positive way.)
Here are the results:
- Intelligence 0%
- Experience 24%
- Confidence 72%
- Social support 4%
Yes, you noticed that too, right? No one said you need to be a smarty pants to take risks.
BUT, for so many of us, we feel like we need to know everything before we even take the first step! Talk about getting ahead of ourselves.
We think we should have everything figured out for the complete journey ahead - which is kind of like saying to a toddler “don’t take a step until you know how to run”.
All we see is what we don’t know, so we don’t even try.
One Simple Step to Unlock Your Potential and Take Action
Ok, are you ready for a mind-blowing lesson?
The first step of taking a risk is trusting yourself to take the first step.
Yes I know it’s simple, but that’s the problem! We overlook simple solutions because we are so good at OVERCOMPLICATING EVERYTHING!
That’s why confidence is key here (fun fact: confidence = con (with) fidere (trust) - so confidence is to do something with trust). Meaning - you’re never going to be ready to take the first step until you actually take the first step.
Sure, consider the plan ahead, but don’t obsess over the “how.” It will become clearer over time with gained ability, experience, and—let’s be honest—likely lots of mistakes.
Don't Wait: Take Action Now to Change Your Life
So here’s a simple action you can take RIGHT NOW:
What is the FIRST step you need to take to get you to where you want to be?
- Is it talking to your boss to see if there are growth opportunities?
- Is it reaching out to potential customers to validate your business idea?
- Is it scheduling a workout session with a personal trainer?
- Is it sending an introductory email to someone in your industry?
- Is it signing up for an online course to learn a new skill?
- Is it initiating a conversation with a friend or family member to improve communication?
- Is it setting a timer and tackling a small task you’ve been avoiding?
You're Already Ready: Overcome Self-Doubt and Take Action
The truth is, change is uncomfortable. We resist because we fear judgment, failure, or the unknown. "What if I’m not good enough?" "What if I make a mistake?" These fears keep us stuck. But here’s the secret: you don’t need to have it all figured out before you start. The first step is about building the trust that you can handle the discomfort of change. Once you take that initial leap, things will start to fall into place. The key to overcoming resistance is realizing that hesitation will only prolong the discomfort you're already feeling. The faster you act, the faster the uncertainty becomes a source of growth.
The Key Takeaway: Start, Trust, Grow
Here’s what you need to remember: confidence isn’t arrogance—it’s trusting yourself to take that first step. You don’t need to know everything before you start; the courage to begin is what leads to growth. Don’t wait for permission or validation. The longer you wait, the more opportunities you miss. The first step doesn’t need to be grand—it just needs to be taken. So, what’s your first step?
Get in touch
Feeling stuck or need help finding that first step?If you’re ready to move past self-doubt and start taking action, reach out to me. Let’s talk about your goals and how you can start taking bold steps toward them today. Send me a message, and together we’ll create a plan that feels right for you.
