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Should you keep reading?
Do you dream of being the kind of person that has the courage to actually "do you, boo" but when it comes to stepping up to the plate, it never quite seems to happen?
Maybe it's speaking up about a new idea...
Maybe it's starting a new business...
Maybe it's asking for more money or going for a promotion...
Maybe it's wearing something away from your normal 'uniform'...
Read on my fellow champion, read on.
How would your life change if you worried about what people thought of you 10% less?
What would that be worth to you?
What would you do differently?
Basically, what I'm asking is:
What would happen if your championed the opinion you had of yourself rather than the opinion you THINK other people had of you?
(Spoiler alert: you would start putting yourself first rather than being an afterthought).
And that's would be a good... actually scratch that - a GREAT thing - because the reality is: When you try and please everyone, you please no one (especially yourself!)
And this is super duper important when it comes to our careers - because how can we get ahead if we're always putting ourselves last
But what is people pleasing? And why do we do it?
More often we think of the act of 'people pleasing' as bending over backwards to cater to another person's whims and needs.
But people-pleasing is so much more complex than that because our motivations for WHY we do it is endless.
For some of us, it's how we were raised.
For others, it's how we survived.
Does the below cycle resonate with you?
Question: What is a childhood memory that shaped your beliefs about worthiness and love that affects your behaviours today?
The Five Types of People-Pleasers
Regardless of the 'who/what/where/when/why' that created the people-pleaser inside of you, today I'd like to explore the five different ways it may present in both your mind and your behaviours along with a question for you to 'chew' on how to approach your life a little bit differently.
Oh, before we dive in, stating the obvious here: The following information and accompanying questions are in no way, shape or form meant for diagnosis or treatment purposes - it's simply a template to learn more about yourself and is not intended to replace professional advice.
#1 The PeaceKeeper
You’re known as the ‘easy going, nice one’.
You ensure everyone around you is happy.
You adapt what you really want to say and/or suppress your personal views to avoid ‘ruffling feathers’ even though you have a list of “here’s what I really think” as long as the Visa bill of a shoe addict*.
As a result you spend 94.5% of your time in the shower preparing (and winning) imaginary arguments.
Example only, not from personal experience.*
** May or may not be true.
Question: What relationships in your life drain your energy, and why do you hold onto them?
#2 The Chameleon
You change who you are to ensure people like you.
You are the person that says “Oh I love coriander” even though you think it’s the spice of Satan.
When someone asks your opinion, you give the answer they want to hear, not what you truly think.
Your shapeshifting comes at the cost of losing touch with your true self and leaves you feeling exhausted and disconnected.
You struggle to remember who you really are beneath all the different colours you wear.
Question: What parts of your identity do you feel you have to hide from others and why?
#3 The Avoider
You love lifting up others from the sidelines.
You’d prefer a root canal over conflict and remain silent to prevent a conversation from becoming difficult.
The thought of standing out of the crowd and drawing attention is about as pleasant as a surprise audit.
When it comes to praise, you take the ‘it was no big deal’ and ‘I didn’t really do anything’ approach even though the effort you put in to your work almost made you lose your left thumb and you haven’t slept for 3 months.
Question: What past mistake do you keep punishing yourself for, and how can you forgive yourself?
#4 The Caretaker
You prioritise the needs of others because you hate the thought of them 'doing it' all alone.
You often feel overextended and constantly worry about others.
You equate saying no to murdering a nun.
You haven’t had a moment to yourself since 1984 (other than that time you had your appendix out).
When you’re offered help, saying yes feels selfish (plus they don’t really want to help).
If you have to say yes (because they won’t take no for an answer), you feel like you need to repay their effort and kindness with your first born.
Question: What habits do you need to change to become the person you aspire to be?
#5 The Empath
It's impossible for you to not feel someone else's pain and shame.
Uber drivers tell you their childhood traumas within three minutes of the ride.
You are the person people go to to ‘dump their $hit’.
But heavy is the compassionate crown you wear. Your hypervigilance to people’s emotions drains your soul. You want everyone to like you, especially the random stranger who didn’t let you pat their dog.
You hate hurting people’s feelings. Last week you got food poisoning because you didn’t want to ruin the chef’s day by sending back your undercooked chicken.
You still gave the restaurant five stars.
Question: How does it feel to be you right now?
Oh, and to fellow perfectionist - these questions are not like exam questions - you don't have a time limit nor are there right and wrong answers.
They are there to 'chew on' - to break down over time to help you get a little clarity about how you think about yourself and the world around you.
I truly hope they opened some new doors for you.
Dr Katherine x
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