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Ever have a full-on meltdown in a crisis, only to later wonder if you should’ve kept it together like some calm superhero? Welcome fellow freak-out-er, welcome.
3 Reasons to Read This Article
- You’ll feel better about your own panic attacks. Turns out, losing your $h*t isn’t always a bad thing.
- Relationship advice with a twist. Because sometimes being selfish is self-care.
- A good excuse to cry over your pets. If you’re not bawling by the end, did you even read it?
Short on time? I’ve got you!
Let me read you the article instead! ⬇️
When things go very wrong, fast
My partner and I almost always try to go for ‘walkies’ after work with our two chihuahuas, Eszie and Eddie.
It was a day like all others; same path, same frame of conversation.
Suddenly, Eddie just stopped. We had gone for a massive walk in the morning so my first thought was “he’s had enough” and I picked him up - he only weighs 2.7kg (6lbs).
But he felt limp - his eyes started to close, almost like he was falling asleep.
I immediately knew something was wrong (if you’re a dog parent, when you know, you know).
We were a kilometer away from our house.
Here’s where the two voices in my head started to pipe up.
Voice #1 - We'll call her The Voice of Reason.
“Eddie will be fine, stay positive and keep calm”.
Voice #2 sounded, well, a little bit different. We’ll call her The Catastrophizer.
“THIS IS A DETHCON 1 SITUATION - THERE IS SO MUCH TO WORRY ABOUT. YOUR DOG COULD DIE. PERMISSION TO LOSE YOUR $HIT GRANTED”.
At this point I suggested we pick up the pace to get home as quickly as we could muster. I wanted to see if he acted any differently when Eddie was back in his space.
We got home, I put him down and… nothing. He was limp. Didn’t move at all.
At this point Captain Clear-Head was nowhere to be found.
The big red dethcon button had been pressed, and panic set in.
F1 driving to the vet
My partner drove to the vet as fast as he could. Chicane after chicane, he tackled those curves like an ambulance driver who had trained in the F1.
Meanwhile, my ability to hold back The Catastrophiser had long failed.
“He’s going to die!”
“What will you tell Eszie?”
“How will you go on?”
Not only had panic set in, but unstoppable tears and an amount of snot I have never encountered before in my life.
“Please help my dog!”
Completely opposite to my state of mind, the vet team calmly took Eddie into their arms into their care.
Spoiler alert: he got bit by an ant or a bee (we’re not sure) and went into anaphylactic shock. He’s now fine, while I am still recovering and have aged 3000 years in the process.
But I did, however, also learn a few lessons for my high-achieving people-pleasing self.
So here they are, in no particular order:
Lesson 1: Sometimes you just have to lose your $hit.
We’re constantly told to “keep calm and carry on.”
Well, screw that.
In the heat of the moment, trying to suppress my panic and doomsday thinking would have been as effective as holding a beach ball underwater while drowing—it’s exhausting, and it’ll explode in your face anyway.
Letting yourself fall apart is sometimes the only way through. Falling apart doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it means you’re human.
Lesson 2: Caring for others doesn’t mean neglecting your needs.
Funny but not so funny story: my partner is severely allergic to dogs. And our dogs shed - a LOT.
Yep, that’s how much he loves me! Every day he’s sniffling, coughing, sneezing while taking every anti-allergy drug imaginable while the tumble-weed-like hair balls float in the air.
Yet there he was, sticking it out in the allergy-provoking vet’s waiting room while I ugly cried into a questionably soft wad of tissues. (If that ain’t love I don’t know what is.)
But man, did my inner people-pleaser feel selfish. It was all about ME and MY NEEDS right then and there.
When we talk about ‘balanced relationships,’ we often picture both parties equally happy and tended to. But let’s be real—that’s a Hollywood fantasy.
The balance of healthy relationships actually means one person needs to be a little more selfish while the other takes on a more selfless role. And sometimes, that person is you.
Lesson 3: You Don’t Have to Apologise for Doing What’s Best
When I handed Eddie over to the vet team, my first thought was, of course, relief and gratitude. But that feeling didn’t last long.
As I looked around the vet’s waiting room, I noticed a couple waiting with their dogs, and I quickly realised that I had butted in front of them.
And that’s when the guilt kicked in—I’m making them wait. They’re probably frustrated. They don’t deserve this delay.
For a moment, I felt like I needed to apologize, like I should’ve somehow been the one to fix everything faster, just so no one else had to suffer.
I overheard the receptionist say to the couple “we’re a bit behind schedule as we had an emergency come in, I’m so sorry we’ll try and get you in as quickly as we can”.
I WAS MORTIFIED.
And then I heard the response:
“Oh no! I hope the dog is ok - it’s no trouble at all. As long as the dog is ok”.
(Currently bawling again while I write this due to their beautiful kindness).
Here’s the thing: you can’t always control when others are inconvenienced. And sometimes, you need to let go of the guilt of taking up space. Prioritising your needs in a moment of crisis doesn’t make you Satan's offspring.
The reality is, people often understand more than we give them credit for. Sometimes, it’s okay to step back, let the moment unfold, and trust that people won’t hold it against you for doing what was necessary.
Concluding thoughts
Sometimes, the most human thing you can do is to let yourself fall apart when things get overwhelming. It’s easy to feel like we’re failing when we break down, but in reality, it’s often the first step to finding clarity.
There’s no shame in needing help, taking space, or allowing yourself to feel the weight of the moment. Life isn’t always about staying composed; it’s about navigating through chaos with grace, even if it means falling apart a little along the way.
So, don’t be afraid to lose your $h*t when necessary—it’s not failure; it’s just being human.
