.avif)
Ever feel like you’re working your butt off while others cruise ahead with half the effort? If this is a 'yep indeedy' moment, I think you'll enjoy today's Lessons 'n' Laughs newsletter.
A Simple Exercise to Strengthen Relationships
Quick Overview:
Download free exercises (no email needed) designed for both personal and professional relationships to enhance communication and deepen understanding. Resources can be found on the bottom of this page.
Who Should Read This Article?
- Couples – Strengthen your connection by understanding how you and your partner communicate, show love, and manage stress.
- Workplaces – Foster better teamwork and communication by aligning expectations and improving interpersonal dynamics.
The Odd Couple
My (life) partner and I are different in many ways which sure, can be frustrating at times, but for us these differences have been instrumental in helping us mutually strengthen our individual weaknesses (for lack of a better word).
Take conflict, for instance.
My partner has this amazing ability to have a heated argument with someone and then, almost immediately, move on—no lingering thoughts or emotional baggage.
In contrast, I tend to ruminate about that conversation for the next 27 years.
Looking at how we were both raised, it’s no wonder we approach conflict so differently. He grew up in a challenging environment where confrontation was a regular occurrence. Meanwhile, I was raised in a middle-class family where disagreements were often swept under the rug.
As a born and bred people-pleaser, I’ve developed the habit of letting things “stew” in my busy brain, letting small, insignificant issues snowball into imagined catastrophes, rather than nipping them in the bud.
As such, my partner and I developed an approach that allows me to get things off my mind quickly while reminding him that speaking up still feels tricky for me.
Side note - I’ve previously written about this approach we call ‘pickled onion’, which has helped us communicate better despite our different views.
This small tweak has not only made a HUGE difference in how we communicate, but has saved me HOURS of unnecessary worry and stress.
So, I thought - what else can we do?
The Birthday Experiment
When he asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I got an idea.
I said “I want to do a couples exercise”.
Now, before I go on - let me be clear: My partner would lay down in front of a bus for me, without question. We love each other deeply.
But my idea of fun (i.e. diving deep into thoughts and feelings, and planning our future in detail including interior decorating styles) is not quite the same as his idea of fun (i.e. watching superhero action movies (I call these ‘killing movies’) where superheroes defeat villains in epic fight scenes that seem to go on forever and ever and everrrrrrr.)
Still, whether in personal or professional relationships, there’s always room to improve how to understand one another’s needs better—especially when it comes to tricky topics.
Plus, since it was my birthday, I got to call the shots.
So, I created a set of paired questions designed to help us reflect on:
- ✔ How we each show and receive love
- ✔ How we handle stress
- ✔ How we navigate conflict
And more.
How the Exercise Works
Each person answers the same set of questions on their own, without discussing them first.
The questions come in pairs:
- The first question in the pair asks about your own experience (e.g., “What stresses me out the most?”)
- The second asks what you think your partner’s experience is (e.g., “What do I think stresses them out the most?”)
Once both people have completed their answers, you take turns sharing and comparing.
The goal isn’t to get the “right” answer—it’s to see where your perceptions align and where they don’t.
Here’s an example: Acts of Service
- My Answer to Q1: If you could take one daily task off my plate that would make my life easier, it would be: → Filling up the car when it’s almost empty.
- My Partner’s Answer to Q2: If I could take one daily task off your plate to make your life easier, I think it would be: → Doing the dishes.
(Bad example because my partner always does the dishes, and I never fill up the car—but you get the idea.)
Then, my partner shares his own answers to the same questions, so we can compare both perspectives.
➡ Reflection:
- If the answers match, it shows a strong awareness of each other’s stressors, reinforcing trust and connection.
- If the answers don’t match, it highlights areas where assumptions might be getting in the way of understanding each other’s needs. This isn’t a bad thing—it’s an opportunity to talk about what’s really on our minds and how we can better support one another.
Expanding Beyond Couples
It’s been almost a year since we first did this, and after sharing it with friends, I’ve had multiple requests for the questions—so I figured it was high time to share them with the world. (You can find them at the bottom of this page.)
I’ve also adapted this exercise for workplaces, where understanding how teammates handle stress, give feedback, and communicate under pressure can improve both individual and team performance. Whether it’s learning how someone prefers recognition or how they react to conflict, this exercise fosters open dialogue that leads to stronger collaboration.
Ready to try it? Scroll down to grab the free exercises. 👇
There’s nothing more precious than the people we spend time with - so I do hope these exercises make that time even more enjoyable.
Until next time,
Back yourself,
Bet on yourself and
Be Respected.
DrK x
Download the exercises here
(No email address required).
Want to keep reading? Head back to the main page here.
How healthy is your self-respect?
Answer 24 questions to get a quick, insightful assessment designed to reveal:
- How well you're balancing ambition with well-being > Your high-achiever score
- Whether you’re leading from a place of self-respect or held back by self-doubt > Your people-pleaser score
- The 3 key areas holding you back from getting what you really want out of life.
In just a few minutes, you’ll get a personalised breakdown of your strengths and growth areas—so you can speed up your progress with self-respect as your foundation.
https://scorecard.risewithrespect.com/
