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Do you ever think “I should know better” after making the ‘same stupid choice” for the 20th time? Hello there, my friend, keep reading.
This article is for you if:
- You watch others take bold steps to accelerate their success and think, ‘That could be me’.
- You avoid confrontation, so people assume you're fine—even when you're not, which only builds resentment.
- You feel like you’re constantly 'in your head’ stuck in your own thoughts, and getting nowhere.
Short on time? I’ve got you!
Let me read you the article instead! ⬇️
Ups & Downs
It's funny how life works. Sometimes every day feels like a crisis. Other days there is nothing but sunshine. In my keynotes I share a simple realisation: life sucks until you make it suck less.
While yes, it’s a simple statement conveying a simple message, if you really take a step back and think about it - it’s dead accurate. Because life doesn’t get easier, your ability to navigate it does.
10 Life Lessons (that I can now laugh at)
1. You'll get lots of good advice, but it might not be good for you.
When you seek advice from someone you respect—whether it’s a consultant, a mentor, or your wise older cousin—it’s easy to think, “They’re smarter than me, so I should just do what they say.” And often, their advice is brilliant. But no one else has the full, high-fidelity version of your life.
They don’t see every detail—your values, your goals, your hidden barriers, the context that shapes your decisions. Because of that, even the best advice may not be the right advice for you. Learning to filter what aligns with you and what doesn’t—what resonates and what makes your gut feel off—is a skill worth developing early.
2. Why am I having this conversation?”
So you finally found the chutzpah to have ‘that awkward conversation’ with someone. Good for you! But have you ever had one of those conversations suddenly shift from calm to conflict? I learned to check in with myself beforehand by asking a simple question: Am I having this conversation because I want to prove I’m right? Or because I genuinely want to make things right? The difference changes everything.
3. Discovering what you *really* think takes time.
Many years ago, when I spoke about burnout, I based my content on what I’d learned in school—stress, overwhelm, and all that jazz. The solution? Breathing exercises, mindfulness, etc.—all valuable and effective, sure. But then I asked myself: Is this really what I believe is most important for people to know? My experience of burnout was much different and no amount of zen thinking or deep exhaling was going to fix it—because the real cause ran deeper: suppressed resentment, anger, and fear.
Now, I speak about burnout from a people-pleaser’s perspective, and I ask a simple question: If you were a narcissist who didn’t care about anyone but yourself, would you still be burnt out? Questioning your own beliefs and experiences is the only way to uncover what’s truly true for you.
4. Feeling Like You’ve Wasted Time Going Full Circle
A full-circle moment can feel more like a cycle than a conclusion—less like growth, more like being stuck in a loop of the same mistakes, patterns, or struggles. I’ve done enough full-circle moments in my life to be a dancer, and each time, I blamed myself: “Seriously? You’re back here again?” or “If you were smarter, you wouldn’t be starting over.”
But here’s the thing—just because the experience looks the same doesn’t mean you are. This time, you have a new perspective, deeper understanding, and lessons you didn’t have before. It’s that moment of “I’ve been here before, but now I see it differently.”
So even if it feels like the same place, you’re operating at a completely different level of thinking, doing, and being. Growth isn’t linear—it’s an upward spiral, full of bumps, potholes, and the occasional déjà vu.
5. Fart friends are invaluable.
First, let’s clear the air—I mean this as a metaphor (but if you actually have a friend you can shamelessly fart around, even better). A fart friend is someone you don’t have to perform for. You don’t need to be a ray of sunshine when you’re feeling like a storm cloud. They’re the ones who can handle your unfiltered, unpolished, and sometimes downright messy thoughts without judgment.
It’s the friend who, when they ask, “How are you doing?” you don’t feel the need to say, “Oh, you know, just busy!” Instead, you can immediately offload: “I’m overwhelmed, exhausted, and contemplating moving to a remote island where no one can reach me.” And instead of offering a toxic positivity pep talk, they just get it. They don’t hold their breath or walk away. They stay, laugh with you, and remind you that even the messiest moments are a little easier when shared.
6. You can’t learn if you’re too busy blaming yourself.
Mistakes are lessons, but only if you allow yourself to learn from them. Sure they’re frustrating, sometimes embarrassing, and often unavoidable, but if your immediate reaction is to tear yourself apart, you’re not actually learning and absorbing the wisdom—you’re just punishing yourself on repeat.
Self-blame isn’t a strategy; it’s just emotional quicksand and won’t undo what happened, but reflection will make sure it wasn’t for nothing. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing the mistake; it’s about freeing yourself to move forward.
7. It’s okay to feel and say that you’re disappointed.
You know when you meet someone and have that out-of-body experience where you think something amazing is about to happen? For example, professionally—someone has offered to help you with something or make a connection, and you think, “Wow! This is the break I was hoping for!” only to have that person ghost you even though you’ve mustered up the courage to follow up with them.
Unless you have no feelings at all, it's hard not to take it personally when what feels like ‘a good thing is coming’ doesn’t happen. I’ve learned that allowing myself to feel truly disappointed and move on, rather than trying to be positive when I feel anything but, is a heck of a lot easier.
8. The key to life isn’t happiness.
I’m not saying that happiness isn’t important, but it’s not everything. Are you happy when you take the risk to launch a business and it doesn’t work out? No. Are you happy when you have to walk away from a toxic relationship? No. But what you should feel is an immense inner pride.
But it’s a tough one to recognise as a positive because it’s such a messy state of mind—doing those hard things makes you feel really good about yourself for ‘giving something a go’ (as they say here in Australia) but at the same time this seeming ‘failure’ makes you feel like you’re being crushed. But that feeling—knowing you stood up for yourself, took a risk, or did the hard thing—is what truly matters. It’s messy, but it’s worth it.
9. Saying “I have no idea what I’m doing” is hard.
Maybe you’ve just started a new job after smashing the interview. Maybe you’re in a new relationship. hen, out of nowhere, you hit a wall. You’ve got absolutely no idea what to do next. It’s uncomfortable. It feels like a failure. But here’s the thing—you’ve got two choices:
First, you can pretend you’ve got it all together, even if your insides are screaming, “I have no clue!”. You’ll push forward, frantically searching for answers while drowning in self-doubt and guilt.
Or you can choose the harder, but infinitely more powerful route: admitting that you’re human. Sure, it feels like swallowing nails at first—but that humility? Yes it’s uncomfortable. But it’s also the beginning of real progress.
10. You’re not held back by what others think.
Let’s do a fun exercise. Think about something you know you could do to supercharge your growth, whether professionally or personally. Maybe it’s finishing that book you’ve been putting off, sharing that video you recorded back in 2015 about who you really are. Or perhaps it’s introducing yourself to your ‘untouchable’ boss.
What pops into your head first? Is it about how you’ll feel about yourself once you take the leap? Or does your mind instantly jump to what will they think of you?
While we love to blame other people’s opinions for holding us back, it’s often our own self-perception that’s the real barrier. The more you respect yourself, the less power others’ judgments have over you. You’re the one holding the key to your freedom—change how you see yourself, and you change everything.
Final thoughts:
Entering this world is like getting a non-negotiable ticket to a rollercoaster that you can’t get off. Sometimes it’s fun, sometimes it’s exhilarating and sometimes it’s downright terrifying. My hope (if you’re still reading this far) is that these 10 lessons have sparked some curiosity and maybe even a perspective shift in your own life, now and in the future so you can build greater self-respect, and achieve more, faster.
